Melody She Wrote

Part 4 in the On Weddings series. Part 1 available  here , Part 2 available  here , and Part 3 available here . Weddings are all about comparison. It shouldn't be that way, should it? And maybe it's just me, maybe that's the thorn in my side. That's fine. But I have the feeling that it's not just me. {Maybe not everybody, but not just me.} As girls, we talk through our wedding plans. For a while, everyone has the same plan--beautiful white dress, with a long train and a cinematic love story. But at some point, probably in those teen years when we find ourselves, we begin to differ. We have styles. We have personalities. Rustic. Romantic. Modern. Preppy. Whimsical. Bohemian. Alternative. Classic. And it just gets worse from there. Every time we attend a wedding. Every time we see photos of a wedding. And if no one has gotten married recently enough, every time we log onto Pinterest or r/weddings. I didn't love her dress, I would have made it longer. ...

Part 3 in the On Weddings series. Part 1 available here , and Part 2 available here . There is a strange need throughout a wedding—before, during, and after—for the event to be perfect. What 'perfect' is varies by person, of course, but it often has to do with how well the bride's desires were met. I spoke with someone recently who considers a wedding to be good or successful dependent on whether the bride thought it was perfect. When planning my wedding, I felt this. Almost everyone involved wanted to ensure I had exactly what I wanted (or what they believed I wanted). And I am so grateful for that; I am so very loved. But with such love came pressure. Pressure to be perfect. Pressure to have everything I wanted. It was no longer an option. You must have everything you want. There is no other way. I wasn’t looking for perfection. Not by social standards, and not by my standards. I couldn’t articulate it then, not with everyone asking me, “Is this what you want? ...

Part 2 in the On Weddings series. Part 1 available here . Until I was engaged, I was oblivious to the strangely permissive culture that weddings induce when it comes to judgment. I certainly participated. With everything else, we’re fairly tolerant people. We celebrate what makes someone unique, and we shrug it off if someone’s values don’t align with our own. But weddings. Judgment is saved up for weddings, even by those who likely consider themselves particularly non-judgemental. I remember, pre-engagement, judging with the rest of them. Weddings are fun to to talk about. “Do you know how much they spent on that wedding? This much. ” “No! That’s ridiculous!” “I know! She just had to have it all.” “I can’t imagine spending that much on just one day. That’s too extravagant.” “Same. I like simple weddings. DIY and all that.” “She should have tried to cut some costs. That’s just outlandish. And the food wasn’t really that good.” “She probably spent it all on the dress.” ...

I never thought that my wedding would be something I would need healing from. It’s not that there was some knock-down, drag-out fight. On the surface, my wedding preparations were mundane, the opposite of dramatic. I vented to my best friend about the stress of the timeline and the {honestly quite minor} expectations of family members, but that’s as bad as it got. I just remember pressure. Pressure to perform. Pressure to strive for and achieve perfection. Pressure to conform. Pressure to be happy. Pressure to “have whatever you want” but “no, not that!” Pressure because this is a one-time event. Oh, and there are deadlines and budget constraints, too. And then there was the wedding, which went great on the surface but wasn’t what I had intended it to be. {I talk about the rain moving our wedding indoors, but what I don’t mention is that even the outdoor venue was a third choice that we got shoved into. And that’s just the venue.} So many small things did not go as intended. “...

I recently saw the following article:  "I'm A Christian Girl And I'm Not A Feminist, Because God Did Not Intend For Women To Be Equals."  A young woman who is young enough for me to consider myself older and wiser posted it on the book of faces. I read it, and then I thought about it a lot, because there was a time in my life when I would have jumped at the chance to post that same article. I more or less agreed with sentiments like these at the time, except I took the approach that I was  a feminist, a true  feminist, who believed that women should be encouraged to do what fulfills them, and that what fulfills them was to live subservient lives to men. The author, Rach Wallace, says a lot of things I've heard before. She ends her article stating that her Bible-believing readers are free to believe whatever they wish, as long as they have Biblical evidence. I commend her for that, for leaving room for the nuance. This discussion in particular desperately nee...

I feel like I actually have things to write about today. We went to lunch with the Bangalore writer manager and one of the project managers. We went to Mainland China and had a huge Indian-Chinese lunch. My travel-mate and I ate partially with chopsticks, unlike our Indian counterparts, which for some reason I find amusing. The food kept coming, more or less family-style, though we had all ordered our own dishes. Large bowls of rice, noodles, and stews. The waiters wouldn't let us serve ourselves, even though the dishes were on our table. They came over and served us from the bowls, not always at our request (though you could tell them no). This, combined with the fact that it's hard to tell people 'no' (though this gets easier in this culture), meant that I ate two or three times more than I would have eaten on my own. Then, we ordered-in chai and samosas for office snack time. (Have I mentioned that the chai here is heavenly? It is how chai is supposed to be, ...

My short-slept nights are catching up to me, so today's post will be short. My travel-mate and I finally got the chance to walk  somewhere instead of being driven. We did some more shopping, and I bought myself and my mom more pretty things. Shopping for certain people is immensely easy in India, but there is only one kind of "thing," one kind of design and aura in all the clothes and artwork. I have found it extremely hard to find gifts for guys, or really anyone who does not typically choose things in the bohemian style. Apologies in advance to all my urban-minded friends. Walking anywhere is an adventure. The sidewalks are not really sidewalks, but slabs of concrete placed over small (2 ft wide) canal moats that are for drainage. Half of the concrete slabs are broken or upended or nonexistent, so then you walk on the street. Most of the drains were dry, waiting for when it rains. Trash ends up there. I told my travel-mate that it was unhygenic, and she looked at m...