On Weddings and the Surface and the Deep
Part 5 (of 5) in the On Weddings series. Part 1 available here, Part 2 available here, Part 3 available here, and Part 4 available here.
It's been almost a year since I wrote the words in Parts 1-4. I am so grateful that I captured them, if only to remember how far God has brought me. (You can read more of my recent, grateful thoughts here.)
I wasn't an avid follower of The Office when Jim and Pam got married, but I remember making a point to watch their wedding episodes. It was Jim and Pam! Surely it had to be the most romantic, most adorable, most swoonworthy wedding.
Well...I was disappointed. Jim and Pam's wedding...kinda sucked. I was so annoyed. All of that romance, all of the cuteness of seasons had led to...this? For those who haven't watched these episodes, let me summarize and say that Michael and Jim ruin the reception dinner, Pam's veil rips, she hates her dress, and she wishes she had made different guest list decisions. Oh, and I think there's a hospital visit in there, too.
This low point moves Jim and Pam to run away and get married on a boat before returning to the church for the scheduled (now late) ceremony. Even though fans generally loved these episodes, I never did. I felt personally insulted by the lack of fairytale perfection. To me, the oh-so-spontaneous boat wedding was contrived and saccharine.
We're currently watching The Office, and I dreaded the wedding episodes that had let me down. But something interesting happened this time. My heart understood, and I cried. The disappointment I'd had turned to something much more precious.
These days, I am of the opinion that the writers of these episodes knew about weddings. Because Jim and Pam's wedding, though a little over-the-top in how terrible it becomes, is frustratingly real in its imperfection. It is almost gritty in how well it recognizes the grief of seeing things pan out in a different way than you'd imagined.
Yeah, I still think the boat thing was a little cheesy. But I also get it. They had to show through story what the rest of us have to learn through time.
What is it that they show in this scene? That beneath the surface of all the wedding day imperfections is joy. Some of us may have to wait a while to see it. But it's there when your heart heals enough to look.
The Surface
I had planned out our wedding party's walk down the aisle to the second. It was in a spreadsheet. And whether because we moved inside or because the wedding coordinator didn't care about my spreadsheet, our wedding party clumped in weird places, and everyone got to the altar early. Even in the moment, I was annoyed at the DJ when he faded the music out before the song ended.
Not only that, but you know how it's a big deal to see the groom's face as the bride walks down the aisle? We didn't have those dreamy looks, because E was busy trying to figure out a) if this heavily make-upped person was really me, and b) if I was freaking out (not in a good way). See my face? That is not a beaming bride.
(I wasn't about to ditch. I was just giving myself the freedom not to hide all the rapturous emotions I was feeling. At the time, this was deeply satisfying to my Type 4 self. I felt so genuine.) (Congratulations on your authenticity, Melody, you have no aisle pictures worth putting on the wall.)
That was the surface of my walk down the aisle
The Deep
I walked down the aisle to the song I'd been imagining (and choreographing) since before the engagement. I walked down the aisle to the freaking OneThing conference, to Laura Hackett Park worshiping semi-spontaneously. Who does that?
This was an insane dream come true. It is still incredibly surreal to me. Even in the moment, I was stunned to find that it was really happening (hence the face feels). The presence of God was so thick in the room. It was so perfect. It was the most "I can't believe this is finally and really happening" moment of my life, maybe second to when E proposed.
And yeah, all of that showed on my face. But you know what? Genuine was one of the two core themes we chose for the wedding. We prioritized that. And maybe it's okay that in this moment, I went with it instead of the other core theme (which was Pretty).
All of that was the deep. It's a deep I will always treasure.
Beneath the surface of the imperfection, there is so much joy that goes deeper than any of the mishaps. Sometimes it's dark and rich, like expensive chocolate. And sometimes it hides itself away, a diamond within the walls, while you chisel through the smaller disappointments. But eventually, you do arrive there, in the deep. There are riches worth the journey.
For all those who find themselves a part of these things called weddings, be encouraged.
It's been almost a year since I wrote the words in Parts 1-4. I am so grateful that I captured them, if only to remember how far God has brought me. (You can read more of my recent, grateful thoughts here.)
I wasn't an avid follower of The Office when Jim and Pam got married, but I remember making a point to watch their wedding episodes. It was Jim and Pam! Surely it had to be the most romantic, most adorable, most swoonworthy wedding.
Well...I was disappointed. Jim and Pam's wedding...kinda sucked. I was so annoyed. All of that romance, all of the cuteness of seasons had led to...this? For those who haven't watched these episodes, let me summarize and say that Michael and Jim ruin the reception dinner, Pam's veil rips, she hates her dress, and she wishes she had made different guest list decisions. Oh, and I think there's a hospital visit in there, too.
This low point moves Jim and Pam to run away and get married on a boat before returning to the church for the scheduled (now late) ceremony. Even though fans generally loved these episodes, I never did. I felt personally insulted by the lack of fairytale perfection. To me, the oh-so-spontaneous boat wedding was contrived and saccharine.
We're currently watching The Office, and I dreaded the wedding episodes that had let me down. But something interesting happened this time. My heart understood, and I cried. The disappointment I'd had turned to something much more precious.
These days, I am of the opinion that the writers of these episodes knew about weddings. Because Jim and Pam's wedding, though a little over-the-top in how terrible it becomes, is frustratingly real in its imperfection. It is almost gritty in how well it recognizes the grief of seeing things pan out in a different way than you'd imagined.
Yeah, I still think the boat thing was a little cheesy. But I also get it. They had to show through story what the rest of us have to learn through time.
What is it that they show in this scene? That beneath the surface of all the wedding day imperfections is joy. Some of us may have to wait a while to see it. But it's there when your heart heals enough to look.
The Surface
I had planned out our wedding party's walk down the aisle to the second. It was in a spreadsheet. And whether because we moved inside or because the wedding coordinator didn't care about my spreadsheet, our wedding party clumped in weird places, and everyone got to the altar early. Even in the moment, I was annoyed at the DJ when he faded the music out before the song ended.
Not only that, but you know how it's a big deal to see the groom's face as the bride walks down the aisle? We didn't have those dreamy looks, because E was busy trying to figure out a) if this heavily make-upped person was really me, and b) if I was freaking out (not in a good way). See my face? That is not a beaming bride.(I wasn't about to ditch. I was just giving myself the freedom not to hide all the rapturous emotions I was feeling. At the time, this was deeply satisfying to my Type 4 self. I felt so genuine.) (Congratulations on your authenticity, Melody, you have no aisle pictures worth putting on the wall.)
That was the surface of my walk down the aisle
The Deep
I walked down the aisle to the song I'd been imagining (and choreographing) since before the engagement. I walked down the aisle to the freaking OneThing conference, to Laura Hackett Park worshiping semi-spontaneously. Who does that?
This was an insane dream come true. It is still incredibly surreal to me. Even in the moment, I was stunned to find that it was really happening (hence the face feels). The presence of God was so thick in the room. It was so perfect. It was the most "I can't believe this is finally and really happening" moment of my life, maybe second to when E proposed.
And yeah, all of that showed on my face. But you know what? Genuine was one of the two core themes we chose for the wedding. We prioritized that. And maybe it's okay that in this moment, I went with it instead of the other core theme (which was Pretty).
All of that was the deep. It's a deep I will always treasure.
Beneath the surface of the imperfection, there is so much joy that goes deeper than any of the mishaps. Sometimes it's dark and rich, like expensive chocolate. And sometimes it hides itself away, a diamond within the walls, while you chisel through the smaller disappointments. But eventually, you do arrive there, in the deep. There are riches worth the journey.
For all those who find themselves a part of these things called weddings, be encouraged.
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